मम प्रिय भाई

ये कविता सच्चे किस्सों पर आधारित है और मेरे भाई श्री नमन को समर्पित है




भाई ओ भाई ओ मम प्रिय भाई ,
तुझसे मैंने विद्या कमाई ,
तुने ही मुझे zig zag underline करना सिखाया ,
जिसकी वजह से हिंदी की teacher से था मैंने लाफा खाया ,
तुने ही मुझे cricket सिखाया ,
खुद ball बना और मुझे bat पकडाया ,
तुने ही सिखाये वो पीठ के मुक्के ,
वो लातें सुहानी वो  लाफे अनोखे ,
तुने ही मुझे सिखाया blackmails से डरना ,
वो घर से निकलना और कुछ दूर चलना ,(cryptic matter)
तुने मुझे अप्भ्रम्षा सिखाये ,
वो Odi Aadi Odi Aadi wo sigdikk साए साए ,
तुने मुझे कंजूसी सिखाई ,
पर जासूसी मुझे अपने आप थी आई ,
दुआ है मेरी खूब आगे जाये तू ,
मुझे फोकट में लिफ्ट दे और
मुफ्त में घुमाए तू ...
आपका प्रिय भाई परम(नाम तो सुना ही होगा )

The Great Escape................an N81 story

11th November 2009::::::::::::::::

So the unforgettable day's journey started at 8.15 a.m as I boarded the metro feeder bus.Like a diamond lattice with tetrahedral geometry I was packed and couldnt loose my electrons(Huh....)I was happy nonetheless as Loud music was screeching in my ears...As the bus came to a halt at one of the stop there was some activity in the lattice as one electron moved away and the others rearranged themselves.....Just as the bus started again the music in my ears suddenly stopped....I thought that the lead of my earphones would have been unplugged but to my horror my mobile was not in my pocket.....My immediate reaction was::::"Mera mobile chori hua hai....Jisne bhi liya hai lauta de....warna(with a big grin) bahut maarungaaah(Grunt like Arch Enemy's vocalist)"...I began searching other passenger's pockets without their consent(I didnt need to as my facial expression would have scared a shit outta them)So as I began to hastily search their pockets someone suggested to ring on my mobile....But I told them it was on silent profile so no use....Just at that instant the conductor asked for ticket.....I said "Yeah man....Tu bhi lele bhai...".....The 10 minutes from School Block to Yamuna Bank my mind was reconciliating:::::

("So what if you lost the phone....every 131st mobile phone owner suffers the same agony.....Dad would say "Never mind" and mom would simply blow away my mind....I would miss my 334 song collection.....Hmm what could I have done.....What would be my next set....Nokia 1200...I would miss the slider....Let me protect my adidas bag now......)

Then came a suggestion to check every passenger's pockets at Yamuna Bank......I informed the conductor of my intent and he agreed.....As Yamuna Bank was approaching so was my hope beginning to end...("This is it...my hope is going to end here when I will be told...sorry not found...I would hide my disgust and board the metro")

At Yamuna Bank,just as I searched 2-3 passengers someone came from behind and told me "Here it is..It was lying on the floor of the bus"...(This statement brought some reaction from the mob...."Kya yaar"(means what the hell) as some people actually believed that it was possible for my mobile to fall down from extremely tight and huge pocket....or maybe they were lamenting at my fortune)        Just the very sight of my mobile filled me with amazement and I didnt bother thinking of what happened,how did it happen...I just moved the slider 2-3 times(which I missed the most).

Battle of Water(in)Loo!!!!

The hand in figure is thoroughly washed and is not mine

What  would you do?

If you are in the loo(I love my Indian) and  the tap  gets jammed after being opened....You are amazed to see that the water pressure is still extremely low...Then you  use your intellect  that probably  there's no water to meet your demands....As you try to battle it out (i.e wash away your sins with a little drop of elixir(holy water) )  , the doorbell rings....You suspect your parents to be at the door but a distinctive loud baritone disapproves your notion...As u somehow begin to rise,your mobile phone rings....

Thats a calamity with the result of momentary elevated B.P,adrenaline upsurge and corticosteroids accumulation.....The man's survival is not just a miracle but an inspiration to all the people to develop a will power as strong as his..

Thank god he opened the door with pants on......

"a Win is A Win"

19 sept,2.00 p.m::: My friend Pulkit (yeah the one who gives friend requests to unknown people) and I decided to gratify our thirst and get rid of the drought that persisted for 1 week.(No we're not addicted).We headed on to the pool....(no not for swimming with mermaids but 9 ball pool).9 ball pool is quiet a fascinating game when your cheap shots start going in and quiet a disgusting venture when the most intensely concentrated shot to pot a ball needing just a gentle kiss(the one given generally on head and face and which is not wet) dont go in....So we arrived at the battleground and got ready for 1 hour of onslaught comprising of 4-5 games(we guessed)....The owner of the pooling area gave higher priority to our match than watching "Saas Bahu and Saazish" on AAJ Tak. The rest of the post will be commentary made by him(offcourse its fictitious.....but its a tribute to great commentators like Tony Greig,Geoff Boycott and Sidhu)...So here it goes.....

So this is the moment we all were waiting for...The final match of 4 match tournament....Gupta leads Saraf 2-1...it is going to be one heck of a match....Here it begins....Saraf takes the break...Gupta is merciless and is on a potting spree and Saraf is just trying to keep up with his raging supporters by saying that "Winning and Losing doesnt matter"...The odds are favouring Gupta as his baniya killer insticts in on a roll....The final moments of the match...Gupta needs to pot just 1 black ball and Saraf needs to pot 4 balls+black ball...With the black ball positioned near the hole noone in the world can ask or think for a mighty turnaround...Gupta can pot the ball with eyes closed... Heres the shot....Its a miss...Oopsie Daisie thats rubbish...So the heavens have knocked Param's doors...He wastes no time and pots 2 balls...Now Gupta hits and misses...Param has a great opportunity to pot the red ball which is also positioned near the hole and then hope for a miracle to pot the yellow ball...Param hits and misses....Foul....Gupta hits and misses....Param hits and misses....I've never seen such a game of pool where the excitement is not about who wins but about the end of the game as I've to close the shop and go for lunch...Both the players pretty adamant to deprive me of food...

While I was thinking about food I saw this game continue for 10 mins during which Saraf had commited 5 fouls in a row and Gupta was just beating his head as the ball refused to be potted....Now its Saraf's turn can he improve his record by making the 6th foul in a row...He fails to foul and pots the red ball..Now he hits yellow ball but couldnt pot it.....Seeing Gupta hopeless Saraf has a new spark in his eyes...Now Gupta being pissed off with easy shots not going in decides for a difficult rebound...With eyes of a desperate housewife Gupta is sweating profusely...He scratches his groin area as a token of respect to Sachin Tendulkar and asking for good luck...Its so tense I tell you that all the spiders have held on to their webs...Can he win this time...Can he re establish his legacy..He gets ready for the shot..Stick moves forward,backward..shot..Takkk!!!..

(Time Warp)The queue ball hits the black ball...Its a misss...no no......its out of the table....actually its in.....oopsie daisey......All the drama...all the fun has finally come to an end.....wait a second....Why does Gupta look dejected and Param Saraf has removed his T-shirt and is waving it in the air......Ohhh......Gupta potted it in the wrong hole...Gupta is furious and is challenging the victory of Saraf but Saraf has turned deaf and is shouting "A WIN IS A WIN".............

NAMASTEY Aunty Effect !!!!!!!!!!

The most challenging words which are a real test of character and communication skills of a person are "namastey aunty".Two words which displays the character of the person.Throughout my 20 years "namastey aunty" kept on evolving as did my hairstyle.

In early days I used to say it with my hands gesturing namastey much like the politicians do when they make a vote appeal.My brother used to tease me for it.So I decided to change with the time.My brothers style was pretty different and seemed indifferent to me.When he sees an uncle or aunty his head would nod quickly just as it does when he sneezes accompanied by the words at a noise level of .001 db.So I eventually embibed his style and started sneezing out my namasteys.

When I see my target from long distance,then the sneeze has to be properly timed.The void between the sneeze and (deadman)walking can be filled by observing how clean your road is or seeing your hairstyle in car's windows or blowing kisses to the girls who are watching you from the windows(its optional) but not by making eye contact with the target.After the indifferent time-out I begin to prepare myself for the moment and wait for the eye contact...3,2,1..."Namastey aunty"(sneeze).Most of times I get positive feedbacks but sometimes I get most errant(not transgressively) responses in which their reaction suggests "Sewers are really foul smelling here".Thats part and parcel of life and you have to move on.

Difficulties arise when the freshers(uncle and aunty) arrive and I am not sure whether my namastey will succeed.Sometimes there are more than 1 target in close proximity.I have to very tactfully position my eyes in centre so that with 1 sneeze I can petrify(I have read 112 pages of Chamber of secrets till date....the only potter book )all of them.

Being a "patelian"(I know how hard its entrance was) I have experienced the most unusual styles of indifferent wishing.I had to wave hands after seeing a teacher or even Principal much the same way the shopkeeper communicates "nahi hai" after being asked "bhaiyya maa ki daal hai(no offence mummies)?" or like one of the dance steps of Helen in "Laila O Laila".I loved this waving as it suited my character.It was a multipurpose weapon as a lot was communicated with just a simple wavering.The main purpose of this wavering was to reduce that .oo1 db of noise pollution and our school was awarded with a badge of honour by "the green brigade"(the same brigade that occupied 3 center pages of my books in classes 5,6,7)...

Hope the environmentalists will consider this wishing style and put it in global perspective as"Namastey Aunty Effect".....

The 3 Musketeers on an ultimate safari (25 days of adventure) Chapter IV

"Ruby"

After all hullaballoo we began to take Nettech seriously.Our batch was divided into 12 groups and named after the planets and moons.....I was in Saturn(no doubt...Shani dev rules) and so were 4 other honourable men and 1 woman.I think in any group a girl provides stability(otherwise guys complain "Meri kismat kharaab hai").So with due modesty I asked her name after the 4 others had taken her phone no and email id...."Ruby they call me Ruby" said Ruby(ofcourse)...."What can I call you?" I thought "Panchaali"(Draupadi,1 for 5) replied my ever so hardworking mind.The group was made for LAB classes,tests and projects and in theory classes we were on our own...The Fantastic four were::

1."battakh or duck"(named by me by his looks and behaviour) who was a cause for jealousy for "The Fatman and D.D" as he was a typical hardworking guy....He was a worrier more than a warrior...
2."Fatman"(a new superhero):The most involved and had the Dzire(swift) to win more than all of us...
3."D.D":He was the "desi bhaiyya" who tried to impress with his casualness but ultimately became a casualty.
4."Irfan Pathan":He was the smartest among all of us.Short in height but taller than her.Chocolate boy who was a heartthrob..
Me:"Who is She?" (the popular words from a poem that I recited once in class 12th and recieved many accolades for it.)

Lab class 1:I was the first to come and took the second seat from the corner.Miss Ruby with all humility decided to sit next to me.Then entered the 4 honourable men.The Fatman without wasting a second landed his butts in between the two of us..I was pretty happy to get a side and enjoy the war that was meant to be lost at all cost.

So every day brought new hopes and aspirations in the minds of all of them..."Battakh" tried to impress with his problem solving ability,D.D with his news reading ability,"Fatman" with problem creating ability and "Irfan" with his inswinging yorkers which he lost in recent past that brought about his demise..So it was fun watching all of them on the path of self destruction...There was a new hero everyday.Usually "Battakh" hoisted victory flag and gave blushes(quiet raging blushes) to the rest.The "Fatman" planned many assasinations by giving rebuttals to "Battakh's" answers but always succeeded in becoming a kamikaze.Irfan was my best pal in the group.Actually I was his mentor and gave him confidence to rediscover his magical inswingers....He succeeded in that and was a surprise package towards the end of the course.

In the last meeting in Lab we were assigned a Project.Irfan was busy in his own game.D.D had become the D.D(DEVDAS) and showed least interest in the project.The "Fatman" was still trying hard to showcase his skills in Frontpage and M.S Paint but it was too late as Irfan was claiming wickets at the right time....Battakh was our group leader who cried after we were given 54 marks out of 60...That really concluded his chances of making a mark.

It was a happy ending afterall.While Ruby managed 10th rank and recieved T-shirt and merit certificate,the 4 men got Passing certificates but are happy nonetheless as they got their friend requests approved on facebook and orkut.

'The Road to Yamuna Bank'

This film showcases the agony that a daily commuter of Delhi Metro Feeder undergoes....I was one of them.On a fine monday morning I got up late and had to bear the repercussions.As the phenonmenon has become quiet frequent people discover new ways to enjoy the thrill of waiting.One of them surely is with your earphones......Many of the viewers would get bored watching the entire video so it was a challenge to make it somewhat interesting.I hope that I succeded in that.....The songs being played in the video were actually being played in my earphones at that instant.The film basically gives you a perspective of man standing in queue, waiting for his turn and his undergoing thought process...The video is also a tribute to MJ....

Here is the link::::

When Evils Laughs....it doesnt need a reason....

So here is a video...Starring a rickshawwala bhaiyya......a playboy(aka chhota khargosh referring to its sign) and pandu(aka pandey ji)....Background voices :Suparn(aka Soporno...hence he was behind chhota khargosh) and me...

The Cheap Rock::::

Rock has new genre "the Cheap Rock"....could have been semi cheap had my friends not worked so hard to make it a success......

This video was shot about 1 year back....featuring some air guitaring and headbanging.......It has a rocking vocalist....a headbanging guitarist....a drummer who seems more of "allah ke naam pe de de"....a blind guitarist at the back who is quiet happy with his iktara and his secretary...an entertainer doing pillow spins and bucket stunts to keep u engaged....atleast its better than quick gun murugan........

Click here to view this video

The 3 Musketeers on an ultimate safari (25 days of adventure)

"We Can't Act"

Jeet film's famous dialogues by Sunny Deol were immortalised by us as we improvised its delivery and tried to portray our hidden acting skills....Click on the links to see the video.

a)First shot of Chugh::::

key features::

The vivacious entry..not looking in camera...shaking head as per the music..cool outfit and physique..

b)Second shot of Mel::::

key features::

The deadly eyes and the first word uttered "nahi" was a treat.The end is perfect with a punch saved for the last.

c)My first and last shot::::

key features::

The entry was an attempt to copy Sunny Deol's....That made both the Sahil's laugh...forced me to laugh at times....Finger raised..I coudnt sensor that....The polymorphism at the end...

d)Chugh's second shot::::

key features::

The entry and facial expression(a guy with stomach ache)..Superb acting....gun act was brilliant...the overacting at the end was commendable..

e)First shot of Mel::::

key features::

We were forced for the second shot for some valid reasons by Chugh....discover that!!!!!

My Xperiments with Truth......

(Age of 6:::)I always feel that there is a scientist lurking in me as I love experimenting.It was night and there was power cut.My brother and me had just finished drinking milk and he was just relaxing on the chair.With the candle burning in between us, my mind clicked...I decided to perform a test similar to what scientists perform on rodents.

As it was dark and our house didnt have rodents I had to take up a big decision i.e trying it on a human...("You've got to do what you got to do")...So not worrying about the outcome(As Lord Krishna said) I geared up for the challenge and chose my myself as the test charge(it made me lose my 2 marks in 12th board).

The only other thing burning apart from the candle was the question "What happens when a spoon is heated?"(It is obvious for some big minds reading this blog that anything thats heated gets hot but my mind works ahead...The only doubt I had was whether spoon is a good/bad conductor of heat).

So the experiment started with the spoon placed firmly above the flame for 2 minutes..The time had come....I decided to touch the spoon on my arm...With a retarding acceleration the spoon began to descend on to my arm...Countdown had begun and just when it was about to blastoff my sixth sense fearing a mishap decided to divert the spoon to my brother's arm.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah was the word uttered by my brother as he fell off his chair and later by me when my mom lashed at me(just like a film's hero who after seeing the body of his beloved and another person with a knife full of blood lashes at him and leaves the beloved dying...as if saying "how the hell can you kill him he was my target")...So the experiment ended with the conclusion that "A Man's scream has more priority than that of rodent's so dont experiment without them".........

The 3 Musketeers on an ultimate safari (25 days of adventure) Chapter III

"All's well that Ends well"

We reached the campus and the registration desk.I had brought 2 photos and even reminded the 2 geniuses to get them.While Mel brought(as he has his own studio) Chugh forgot.Even one of my photographs were refused.Chugh got very happy about it(The same happiness that he got when I entered the black zone which will come later).After completing the half registration we left for the orientation.

A black fat creature with great oratorial skills named "Swapan" came for orientation who gave us the program details::

Lab classes (9 a.m - 12 noon)

Theory classes (1.30 p.m - 4.30 p.m)

Lab Tests,Theory Tests,Online Tests.He divided 180 students in 3 sections A,B and C.We 3 were in section A.

After the orientation we had a lecture about i.p addressing and subnet masking.Getting the corner seats on the first row under the A.C activated melatonin(sleeping hormone) secretion.With my neck engaged in SHM(nodding) and eyes and mind suggesting sleep, I survived the lecture and managed to come out unhumiliated(What an achievement!! sir jee)

Yes Mr Swapan loved to humiliate students and his phobia made all of us study.

After the orientation we headed straight to Jagat Farm(a market).Chugh and Me had a photo session where I was clicked in one of my strangest pose.Chugh was offered a job for Pirelli calendar but he refused it due to his love for baniyan(vest)(its a joke)....A.C needed life and we needed A.C...We rushed it to the electrician where it was declared dead...(He asked for unprecedented amount of Rs1000 which we unemployed could'nt afford)...So it was all over for us....Our only luxury was snatched.

Mel :What next ?

Me :RAMA(PG) will show us the way out...

Chugh:What about Suman?We can't break her heart.

Me :We'll have to...

Jai Sri RAMA

After buying half a kilo of glass putty for Rs 10(excess to seal Chugh's mouth) to fix the glass, removed for A.C we left for our momentary home..

We downloaded our baggages on to Mel's Ferrari(as Maruti 800's are sometimes called)..The Final job before farewell was fixing up the window...It was my job and Mel decided to join in later...Raja G was screaming in and constantly nagging "Jaldi karo"..The situation was really tense and the devil in me was saying "Punch him Param Punch him". But I managed to listen to the saint ( as I often do)...

So all job done.Just had to bid goodbye to Suman aunty....

Mel : Aunty hum jaa rahen hain....

(Her eyes refusing to see us off but we expressed our desire to meet Mr Sharma.She agreed and said he will come after dinner...After this there was a long wait....)

So finally after 1 hour of grand dinner Mr Sharma appeared.Dressed in VIP bonus vest(110cm) and dhoti Mr Sharma was looking like a cannibal but we gathered strength.....

Mel : Uncle hum jaa rahen hain.

Mr Sharma : Hmm..To jao fir...

Mel : Uncle wo paise...

Mr Sharma : Wo to mere pass nahin hain.Car ke installment me de diye..

Me : Hahahaha...

[A lot of conversation followed.Mel tried to flatter him,I tried to console him but all to no avail.He was adamant and told us to come for money after 1 month........Yeah Life is Cruel]

So we 3 losers drove back to our new home.2 dogs came to welcome us.They wanted to say something.I tried hard to understand but couldn't.So, I suggested Mel to run the car over them.Soon they realised their mistake and went away...

FOOd!! Yeah food...we got to see homemade food..amazing sight.The very sight made us forget all our adversities and we all jumped at it.I changed my clothes and put on my favourite chaddi(great ventilation)...everything was heavenly but....Mobile ringing...Gagan calling...No double minds on this...I switched off my mobile and continued with the feast...(Yeah he abused a lot afterwards but never mind)....

The 3 Musketeers on an ultimate safari (25 days of adventure) Chapter II

Home dirty home :

7th July was decided as our "PG pravesh" and we reached there listening to Chughish songs i.e Om mangalam,Tere bina and some senti ones too.We reached there at 7 p.m and uploaded (internet is getting into me) our baggages.Every thing seemed perfect and serene.....Just as we entered the room we were confronted with a plethora of problems.Water was seeping inside the room and toilet was slightly better than those maintained by Sulabh international.With all such great amenities, our only hope for survival was Mel's A.C.His 1.5 ton A.C was supposed to be our "Sankatmochak"(the troubleshooter).

At 9 p.m we broke into Suman aunty's house which was on the ground floor to order our supper.But she informed that the cook is not available as he had to leave for his village following the news of his relative's departure.She suggested herself as the cook and gave us the taste ride of his food.....We 3 sat down on the dining table and Chugh recieved a scolding for sitting on the master's seat....Karele ki sabzi with 1 bowl of daal(bitter guard is what Karela is called in english)

Chugh : Wow its really awesome.

Mel : Let me try

Me : I told you earlier ... the water here really tastes good.Its R.O,,, I guess.

We ate rotis with R.O water(I dont know whether it was e boiling+ but it really calmed our boiling temper) and tasted Karela in short span of 5 mins...

Forgetting the food we 3 went out for stroll where Chugh expressed his desire for a life partner and seeked advice for a healthy relationship.I got to know ki "Chugh ki aankhon me kuch hai" and "Jyoti ka koi bhai bhi hai".So enjoying the gossips we 3 entered our smelly room admiring the A.C.Suman aunty asked for advance (i.e 1/3 of total amount) and Chugh got excited and gave it to her without wasting anytime..

Our fully furnished room didn't provide us with bedsheets and pillows much to the worry of Chugh who remembered to get Axe Effect (the dark temptation) deo and set wet gels but couldn't remember to get toothbrush,toilet soaps,bedsheets and other irrelevant things.With 1 A.C and 3 guys... battle was always on the cards for the front bed.Chugh suggested himself on the first bed as he was the youngest.His demand was refused and I suggested 123(on the back).....Poor Chugh having no idea of my superpowers had to pay the price.So I settled for the first place and even managed to salvage some pride for Mel by giving him the second bed.God listened to Chugh's prayers and our A.C got screwed up.Our only luxury was snatched and we began doubting our stay here...

With Chugh down and out, Mel and me chatted till 5 a.m in the morning after which Mel suggested some sleep.With 3 hours of sound sleep we got ready for our course.

In the morning Mr Sharma(Suman's husband) said that they can't manage a cook and we said we can't manage suman aunty's delicacies.So he suggested that we eat outside and he will charge only for the stay..With all these things discussed just before breakfast,we couldnt gather courage to ask for breakfast and preferred eating out.

We landed at the nearest market and it was here that we came across mango shake's maestro.Rs 10 per glass with tutti fruity and raisin on top certainly sounded a profitable venture.We signed a deal with him and it became part of our daily routine.

Soon we left for campus and were totally unaware what surprises the day had in store for us............

The 3 Musketeers on an ultimate safari (25 days of adventure)

Key characters ::::::

[Mel :Sahil Malhotra, Chugh :Sahil Chugh, Me:Param Saraf]

The SearCh For Suman AUnty

Chugh (a.k.a Raja G) suggested Suman aunty's PG as our 1 month's residence.Suman aunty had everything that we could wish for...(a good room,good food and security and that too on cheap rates as Chugh had said to us)..Raja G refused any talks on the issue and ordered us to abide by him...Our quest began soon and we left our home.But there was a problem ....

Chugh : Yaar ye suman aunty ka address to mere pass hai hi nahin....

Mel : Uhu Uhu Uhu Uhuan(Thats how typhoid patient abuses)

Me : So what do we do ?

(Raja G had some idea of location and he also knew the colour of the house.With sun shining and Chugh smiling I knew we were under some serious problem.)

Chugh : A White House spotted.Lets go.

Mel : Ohu UHu Ohuan (thats how typhoid patient says "Jo bole so nihaal" )

(We asked Mohan (the caretaker of White House) about Suman aunty but all he did was advertise his own PG(RAMA PG).We took his number and left.Infrared waves was playing its role and took Mel with it.)

Me : Mel are u okay?

Mel : I am fine but need some rest.Go now I can take care of myself.I think we are at the wrong place and perhaps that house there is our destiny(He pointed his finger at the building and collapsed)

(With Mel down with heat stroke cum typhoid and Chugh down with stupidity I knew its one man's army.I did as Mel suggested and Mel's intuition guided us to the right place.Chugh knocked the door and a lady dressed in saree came to open the door)

Chugh :Yahaan koi Suman aunty rehti hai jinke husband ka tent house hai? (Those were Chugh's magical words)

(She answered in the affirmative and we all felt as if we had won the battle and were totally unaware of what was to come....)

Tribute continued........the teachers(the best 3)

Pritpal ma'am ::

First experience was of Pritpal Kaur ma'am.I dont have words to describe her.The great scientists often doubt there own inventions as they always strive for improvement but she was full of blind confidence...I still recall her way of teaching."Gagan define relativity ?" says Pritpal."Ma'am relativity is something which relates" answers gagan hesitatingly."Khade raho Gagan" replies Pritpal and asks the same question from Chanpreet."Ma'am relativity is not just something which relates but something which correlates and interrelates" answers Chanpreet(in a highly confident way)."Ye kkkrect hai.Good Chanpreet.Baith jao.Apna roll no batao.Gagan repeat karo" replies Pritpal..As the days passed I got to know more about her anger,smile and also that even she had an orkut profile.

Dr Ajay Kumar::

Yes the well respected PhD Dr Ajay Kumar taught us chemistry.Wearing a girl scarf,dyeing his hair twice a year,he was a real style icon and a popular teacher amongst both guys and girls...(right)...He had a unique flambuoyance and mastery over voice modulation that forced even the best students to listen to rock music on earphone with rapt attention.Everytime he looked at me my head nodded with due respect and will to understand his preaching.In reality it was just the songs...yeah songs....His favourite students were Nayna,Manisha and Shubhika.(I wonder if he was their favourite teacher)..Their name was always on his mouth and we illiterates recieved treatment as if we hadnt paid to the college.Also quiet unique was his way of throwing the students out of the class.He would first call the student to his place and when the student reached his place he would say get out.His cruel punishment was to make the student walk twice through the classroom(once coming to him and other going out)

IST and ES teacher::

I dont know his name but he was quiet a character.He taught us discipline and not a single student dared to shout or speak in his class.Yeah you are right there was seldom a student in his class.He taught us few traffic rules like no tripling on the desk.On every sacred occasion like holi,diwali,eid and Guru Nanak Jayanti we attended his class.In fully occupied classroom we were given liberty to do anything.Some guys listening to music,some making funny pictures,some guy and gal dating each other etc.We even bursted crackers in the classroom and all he did was smiled at our deeds.But one thing that he hated most was..........UNO cards.Yeah everything was fine but not UNO cards.I witnessed his anger for the first time for the UNO cards and that nearly caused him his life.Thank god he is alive and well.Hope he will continue to entertain us in the next sem..

IIT vs Astrology

The most irritating field of study in the world is "astrology".Hairy freaks with long beard hold your future and all you can do is do as they tell you to.Let me tell you a story about a guy called Raghu.His parents believed more in astrology than on him.They often went to Babas(astrologers) asking them about their child's future.

As Raghu grew old and came in class 12th his parents anxiety reached cloud nine.They went to many babas and spent a lot of money as they wanted their son to be nothing less than an IITian."Baba ji,humara beta IIT clear toh kar lega naa?" asked Govind (Raghu's dad)."Mushkil hai.Abhi uske shani ki antardasha chal rahi hai.Rahu aathve ghar me baitha hai(wahan baith kar IPL dekh rha hai).Mangal bhi bhaari hai.Shukra,Budh aur Ketu ek seedh me aa gaye(koi side dene ko tayyar nahi) hai jo khatre ka sanket hai.Ladke ka padhai me mann nahi lag raha hai aur IITJEE asambhav dikhai padh rahi hai" replies baba confidently."Nahiiiiiiiiiiii" screams Radha(Raghu's mom)."Baba koi upaay batayen." stammered Govind (His voice was shaking and he was more nervous than Tendulkar and entire India when he is in his nineties)."Ek upaay hai.Agar aapka beta roz subah papite(Papaya) ke halve ko kaale kutte(doggy) ko daan kare,ek taang par khade ho kar Mahamrityunjay mantra ka jaap kare(500 baar roz) aur har amavasya(no moon) aur padve(first day after no moon or full moon) ko vrat kare aur ek bhi daana ann aur paani ka naa len to IIT sambhav hai.Dhyaan rahe ye saari kriyayen use khud hi karni padhegi"."Dhanya HOOOOOO maharaj.Hum uss se aisa hi karvayenge" replied Govind with great sigh of relief.

Now Raghu who was brilliant student and had scored 93% in class 11th had to do all the rituals prescribed by the Baba.Time passed by and now only 1 week was remaining for JEE.Raghu's parents had been shifted to Rehab and he was left alone with his books and prescriptions.

2 days before JEE his father called and reminded him of vrat of Amavasya and padva which had come together.Now Raghu can't eat and drink 1 day before and on the day of JEE.After a good night sleep Raghu went to perform his daily rituals.He made Papite ka halwa and searched for the black dog.The dog wasn't aggressive but the taste of papite ka halva had adverse effect on him.Poor Raghu, got bitten on his buttocks and also recieved injection on the same area.Now he couldn't sit on the chair.With grit determination Raghu stood up on 1 leg and started murmuring the mantra.He managed it with success but now he couldn't straighten his one leg.

Now with great preparation but paining buttocks and empty stomach Raghu gave his exam standing on one leg.The exam wasnt all that bad and he managed to clear the exam with Air-800.

His parents were overjoyed and got discharged from rehab.Their faith in baba grew manifolds and now they were relied on baba for their every action.

Raghu,now a well renowned astronomer tried to study the effect on saturn's path when a black dog is fed with papite ka halva.He also studied the effect of chants and fasts on Mars.He couldn't observe any change and blamed it on the Telescope.

There are lots of conclusions to be drawn here.......I leave them all to you....Just think over it....How many of us read the daily horoscope and try to justify it ....

A tribute to GTBIT::the beginning....

There's a long story about my admission in this college.It was divine intervention ,more than just the humanly effort.Now let me describe my early observational experience of GTBIT.

first day::

Someone told me that GTBIT is in Rajouri Garden and so did GGSIPU's prospectus.I landed at Rajouri Garden metro station at 8:45 a.m precise and thought cycle rickshaw would take me to my destination on time(i.e 9a.m)."Bhaiyya GTBIT chaloge?",I asked.The facial expression of the rickshawwalas were as if I had asked them about the "resolving power of grating experiment(physics practicals 2nd sem)".Well after 10 minutes of identity crisis finally I managed to find a sardar ji.I asked the same question to him.He said "Haan Chal lenge".My reaction towards all other rickshawwalas was like "Dekha even a Sardar knows it.Shame on you guys(No offence paajis)".Then his next question left me in bewilderment.He asked "Ye kahan padega waise?Raasta pata hai na aapko? "."Waahe guru mainnu bacha lo",I prayed.And the very next moment another sardar ji(this time on auto rickshaw) came in front of me.My eyes lit up with hope.Finally after 15 minutes of crisis I managed to find someone who gave me my identity."Ye kahan aa gaye hum......." was the song being played in the auto which seemed like background music of my life.I reached GTBIT and began glorifying its beauty...."Is building ke peechhe bhi kuch hoga","Ye side me bhi kuch ban raha hai","Sahi hai no playground,college lays more emphasis on studies","Chalo AmityDwarka se to better hi hai"(I often laugh at the ways in which mind tries to console itself.For example: A man is being imprisoned for 50 years for the crime he didnt commit and he consoles himself "Thank god I didnt get life imprisonment").I filled some forms,deposited certificates and that concluded the first day.

second day::

I was feeling better because I came from from Subhash Nagar Metro Station this time.This time I was given my due attention and expressions that lifted my spirits("GTBIT me CS milnaa aasan nahi hota",my conscience said and felt sarcastically happy about it).I reached my classroom.Sardars here,there and everywhere.From one identity crisis I landed into another and this time with some fear too."Yaar Param in sardaron se bach ke rahio"my conscience said.But thankfully I was proved wrong as I discovered the humanly side of sardars(No offence again..I love u paajis. bas mazaak kar reya si) as I was not ragged.(Perhaps the paajis were scared of the "kickstarter".Its like a man and stray dog's relationship.Both are scared of each other and just pass deadly looks to each other saying "Beware" although deepdown they both mean"Mujhe mat kaatna")

......to be continued.......

[[[My next parts will have my experiences about my teachers,girls and few good friends(The best part about my college)..........]]]]

Kameenication::My way of communication

What is communication?

A process of sharing information.But I am pretty possesive and I dont want to share.Hence I dont share....But if I come across some beggar or needy I do hand him over few words like @$%!*$%*@*#("censored")...That surely defines my kindness ...

My first kickk

Why dont you speak much?

............

OK,sorry tell us some incident you spoke last time?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........................

How many times have you spoken in your life?

3 times

And what did you speak during those moments?

1.Mumma

2.Daddy

3.Czechoslovakia

Czechoslovakia doesnt exist now,why did you speak Czechoslovakia?

Czechoslovakia is by brother's pet name...

What's yours?

Galapagos

It is an island right,Why Galapagos?

My dad had a 300 acre plot there....

So?

He wanted me to reclaim it.

But its a UNESCO's Heritage site.How did he manage to buy it?

**/-%$^#....He didnt buy it..But he reached first at the island...So its his..He claims...

How is it possible.I guess it was discovered in 1684 by Ambrose Cowley?

Even I thought it once.But noonne can argue my dad.

But how does he claim that island to be his?

Ohh..When my dad came across Google earth he tagged "my home" at Galapagos.

But why Galapagos?

He was getting bigger plots in Antarctica and Greenland but thought Al Gore and Pachauri will be the bone of contention and our refrigerator is not CFC free.In addition my dad is also fond of ice creams but he is suffering from Diabetes Mellitus.

OK,so how are you planning to reclaim it?

I will go there every year and carry some sand and stones.

So,you are saying you are going to smuggle an island?

I will go there as a geologist and collect samples.

Lets get back to the main point.Why dont you speak much?

(blushing and staring at the woodland shoes).......I love you woodland....KICKKKKKKK

(interviewer's ass turned red uniformly such is the precision of woodland's el diablo)

[I tried hard to convince the interviewer to stop his nuisance....But its said some people never learn.They dont run with self but need a kickstart.]

Intro:::::

An encounter specialist who will not entertain any cheapness and misuse of words.He has eagle eyes and has been given kick at sight orders.All those people who talk nuisance.....Beware here comes.....Kickkstarter