मम प्रिय भाई

ये कविता सच्चे किस्सों पर आधारित है और मेरे भाई श्री नमन को समर्पित है




भाई ओ भाई ओ मम प्रिय भाई ,
तुझसे मैंने विद्या कमाई ,
तुने ही मुझे zig zag underline करना सिखाया ,
जिसकी वजह से हिंदी की teacher से था मैंने लाफा खाया ,
तुने ही मुझे cricket सिखाया ,
खुद ball बना और मुझे bat पकडाया ,
तुने ही सिखाये वो पीठ के मुक्के ,
वो लातें सुहानी वो  लाफे अनोखे ,
तुने ही मुझे सिखाया blackmails से डरना ,
वो घर से निकलना और कुछ दूर चलना ,(cryptic matter)
तुने मुझे अप्भ्रम्षा सिखाये ,
वो Odi Aadi Odi Aadi wo sigdikk साए साए ,
तुने मुझे कंजूसी सिखाई ,
पर जासूसी मुझे अपने आप थी आई ,
दुआ है मेरी खूब आगे जाये तू ,
मुझे फोकट में लिफ्ट दे और
मुफ्त में घुमाए तू ...
आपका प्रिय भाई परम(नाम तो सुना ही होगा )

The Great Escape................an N81 story

11th November 2009::::::::::::::::

So the unforgettable day's journey started at 8.15 a.m as I boarded the metro feeder bus.Like a diamond lattice with tetrahedral geometry I was packed and couldnt loose my electrons(Huh....)I was happy nonetheless as Loud music was screeching in my ears...As the bus came to a halt at one of the stop there was some activity in the lattice as one electron moved away and the others rearranged themselves.....Just as the bus started again the music in my ears suddenly stopped....I thought that the lead of my earphones would have been unplugged but to my horror my mobile was not in my pocket.....My immediate reaction was::::"Mera mobile chori hua hai....Jisne bhi liya hai lauta de....warna(with a big grin) bahut maarungaaah(Grunt like Arch Enemy's vocalist)"...I began searching other passenger's pockets without their consent(I didnt need to as my facial expression would have scared a shit outta them)So as I began to hastily search their pockets someone suggested to ring on my mobile....But I told them it was on silent profile so no use....Just at that instant the conductor asked for ticket.....I said "Yeah man....Tu bhi lele bhai...".....The 10 minutes from School Block to Yamuna Bank my mind was reconciliating:::::

("So what if you lost the phone....every 131st mobile phone owner suffers the same agony.....Dad would say "Never mind" and mom would simply blow away my mind....I would miss my 334 song collection.....Hmm what could I have done.....What would be my next set....Nokia 1200...I would miss the slider....Let me protect my adidas bag now......)

Then came a suggestion to check every passenger's pockets at Yamuna Bank......I informed the conductor of my intent and he agreed.....As Yamuna Bank was approaching so was my hope beginning to end...("This is it...my hope is going to end here when I will be told...sorry not found...I would hide my disgust and board the metro")

At Yamuna Bank,just as I searched 2-3 passengers someone came from behind and told me "Here it is..It was lying on the floor of the bus"...(This statement brought some reaction from the mob...."Kya yaar"(means what the hell) as some people actually believed that it was possible for my mobile to fall down from extremely tight and huge pocket....or maybe they were lamenting at my fortune)        Just the very sight of my mobile filled me with amazement and I didnt bother thinking of what happened,how did it happen...I just moved the slider 2-3 times(which I missed the most).

Battle of Water(in)Loo!!!!

The hand in figure is thoroughly washed and is not mine

What  would you do?

If you are in the loo(I love my Indian) and  the tap  gets jammed after being opened....You are amazed to see that the water pressure is still extremely low...Then you  use your intellect  that probably  there's no water to meet your demands....As you try to battle it out (i.e wash away your sins with a little drop of elixir(holy water) )  , the doorbell rings....You suspect your parents to be at the door but a distinctive loud baritone disapproves your notion...As u somehow begin to rise,your mobile phone rings....

Thats a calamity with the result of momentary elevated B.P,adrenaline upsurge and corticosteroids accumulation.....The man's survival is not just a miracle but an inspiration to all the people to develop a will power as strong as his..

Thank god he opened the door with pants on......

"a Win is A Win"

19 sept,2.00 p.m::: My friend Pulkit (yeah the one who gives friend requests to unknown people) and I decided to gratify our thirst and get rid of the drought that persisted for 1 week.(No we're not addicted).We headed on to the pool....(no not for swimming with mermaids but 9 ball pool).9 ball pool is quiet a fascinating game when your cheap shots start going in and quiet a disgusting venture when the most intensely concentrated shot to pot a ball needing just a gentle kiss(the one given generally on head and face and which is not wet) dont go in....So we arrived at the battleground and got ready for 1 hour of onslaught comprising of 4-5 games(we guessed)....The owner of the pooling area gave higher priority to our match than watching "Saas Bahu and Saazish" on AAJ Tak. The rest of the post will be commentary made by him(offcourse its fictitious.....but its a tribute to great commentators like Tony Greig,Geoff Boycott and Sidhu)...So here it goes.....

So this is the moment we all were waiting for...The final match of 4 match tournament....Gupta leads Saraf 2-1...it is going to be one heck of a match....Here it begins....Saraf takes the break...Gupta is merciless and is on a potting spree and Saraf is just trying to keep up with his raging supporters by saying that "Winning and Losing doesnt matter"...The odds are favouring Gupta as his baniya killer insticts in on a roll....The final moments of the match...Gupta needs to pot just 1 black ball and Saraf needs to pot 4 balls+black ball...With the black ball positioned near the hole noone in the world can ask or think for a mighty turnaround...Gupta can pot the ball with eyes closed... Heres the shot....Its a miss...Oopsie Daisie thats rubbish...So the heavens have knocked Param's doors...He wastes no time and pots 2 balls...Now Gupta hits and misses...Param has a great opportunity to pot the red ball which is also positioned near the hole and then hope for a miracle to pot the yellow ball...Param hits and misses....Foul....Gupta hits and misses....Param hits and misses....I've never seen such a game of pool where the excitement is not about who wins but about the end of the game as I've to close the shop and go for lunch...Both the players pretty adamant to deprive me of food...

While I was thinking about food I saw this game continue for 10 mins during which Saraf had commited 5 fouls in a row and Gupta was just beating his head as the ball refused to be potted....Now its Saraf's turn can he improve his record by making the 6th foul in a row...He fails to foul and pots the red ball..Now he hits yellow ball but couldnt pot it.....Seeing Gupta hopeless Saraf has a new spark in his eyes...Now Gupta being pissed off with easy shots not going in decides for a difficult rebound...With eyes of a desperate housewife Gupta is sweating profusely...He scratches his groin area as a token of respect to Sachin Tendulkar and asking for good luck...Its so tense I tell you that all the spiders have held on to their webs...Can he win this time...Can he re establish his legacy..He gets ready for the shot..Stick moves forward,backward..shot..Takkk!!!..

(Time Warp)The queue ball hits the black ball...Its a misss...no no......its out of the table....actually its in.....oopsie daisey......All the drama...all the fun has finally come to an end.....wait a second....Why does Gupta look dejected and Param Saraf has removed his T-shirt and is waving it in the air......Ohhh......Gupta potted it in the wrong hole...Gupta is furious and is challenging the victory of Saraf but Saraf has turned deaf and is shouting "A WIN IS A WIN".............

NAMASTEY Aunty Effect !!!!!!!!!!

The most challenging words which are a real test of character and communication skills of a person are "namastey aunty".Two words which displays the character of the person.Throughout my 20 years "namastey aunty" kept on evolving as did my hairstyle.

In early days I used to say it with my hands gesturing namastey much like the politicians do when they make a vote appeal.My brother used to tease me for it.So I decided to change with the time.My brothers style was pretty different and seemed indifferent to me.When he sees an uncle or aunty his head would nod quickly just as it does when he sneezes accompanied by the words at a noise level of .001 db.So I eventually embibed his style and started sneezing out my namasteys.

When I see my target from long distance,then the sneeze has to be properly timed.The void between the sneeze and (deadman)walking can be filled by observing how clean your road is or seeing your hairstyle in car's windows or blowing kisses to the girls who are watching you from the windows(its optional) but not by making eye contact with the target.After the indifferent time-out I begin to prepare myself for the moment and wait for the eye contact...3,2,1..."Namastey aunty"(sneeze).Most of times I get positive feedbacks but sometimes I get most errant(not transgressively) responses in which their reaction suggests "Sewers are really foul smelling here".Thats part and parcel of life and you have to move on.

Difficulties arise when the freshers(uncle and aunty) arrive and I am not sure whether my namastey will succeed.Sometimes there are more than 1 target in close proximity.I have to very tactfully position my eyes in centre so that with 1 sneeze I can petrify(I have read 112 pages of Chamber of secrets till date....the only potter book )all of them.

Being a "patelian"(I know how hard its entrance was) I have experienced the most unusual styles of indifferent wishing.I had to wave hands after seeing a teacher or even Principal much the same way the shopkeeper communicates "nahi hai" after being asked "bhaiyya maa ki daal hai(no offence mummies)?" or like one of the dance steps of Helen in "Laila O Laila".I loved this waving as it suited my character.It was a multipurpose weapon as a lot was communicated with just a simple wavering.The main purpose of this wavering was to reduce that .oo1 db of noise pollution and our school was awarded with a badge of honour by "the green brigade"(the same brigade that occupied 3 center pages of my books in classes 5,6,7)...

Hope the environmentalists will consider this wishing style and put it in global perspective as"Namastey Aunty Effect".....

The 3 Musketeers on an ultimate safari (25 days of adventure) Chapter IV

"Ruby"

After all hullaballoo we began to take Nettech seriously.Our batch was divided into 12 groups and named after the planets and moons.....I was in Saturn(no doubt...Shani dev rules) and so were 4 other honourable men and 1 woman.I think in any group a girl provides stability(otherwise guys complain "Meri kismat kharaab hai").So with due modesty I asked her name after the 4 others had taken her phone no and email id...."Ruby they call me Ruby" said Ruby(ofcourse)...."What can I call you?" I thought "Panchaali"(Draupadi,1 for 5) replied my ever so hardworking mind.The group was made for LAB classes,tests and projects and in theory classes we were on our own...The Fantastic four were::

1."battakh or duck"(named by me by his looks and behaviour) who was a cause for jealousy for "The Fatman and D.D" as he was a typical hardworking guy....He was a worrier more than a warrior...
2."Fatman"(a new superhero):The most involved and had the Dzire(swift) to win more than all of us...
3."D.D":He was the "desi bhaiyya" who tried to impress with his casualness but ultimately became a casualty.
4."Irfan Pathan":He was the smartest among all of us.Short in height but taller than her.Chocolate boy who was a heartthrob..
Me:"Who is She?" (the popular words from a poem that I recited once in class 12th and recieved many accolades for it.)

Lab class 1:I was the first to come and took the second seat from the corner.Miss Ruby with all humility decided to sit next to me.Then entered the 4 honourable men.The Fatman without wasting a second landed his butts in between the two of us..I was pretty happy to get a side and enjoy the war that was meant to be lost at all cost.

So every day brought new hopes and aspirations in the minds of all of them..."Battakh" tried to impress with his problem solving ability,D.D with his news reading ability,"Fatman" with problem creating ability and "Irfan" with his inswinging yorkers which he lost in recent past that brought about his demise..So it was fun watching all of them on the path of self destruction...There was a new hero everyday.Usually "Battakh" hoisted victory flag and gave blushes(quiet raging blushes) to the rest.The "Fatman" planned many assasinations by giving rebuttals to "Battakh's" answers but always succeeded in becoming a kamikaze.Irfan was my best pal in the group.Actually I was his mentor and gave him confidence to rediscover his magical inswingers....He succeeded in that and was a surprise package towards the end of the course.

In the last meeting in Lab we were assigned a Project.Irfan was busy in his own game.D.D had become the D.D(DEVDAS) and showed least interest in the project.The "Fatman" was still trying hard to showcase his skills in Frontpage and M.S Paint but it was too late as Irfan was claiming wickets at the right time....Battakh was our group leader who cried after we were given 54 marks out of 60...That really concluded his chances of making a mark.

It was a happy ending afterall.While Ruby managed 10th rank and recieved T-shirt and merit certificate,the 4 men got Passing certificates but are happy nonetheless as they got their friend requests approved on facebook and orkut.

'The Road to Yamuna Bank'

This film showcases the agony that a daily commuter of Delhi Metro Feeder undergoes....I was one of them.On a fine monday morning I got up late and had to bear the repercussions.As the phenonmenon has become quiet frequent people discover new ways to enjoy the thrill of waiting.One of them surely is with your earphones......Many of the viewers would get bored watching the entire video so it was a challenge to make it somewhat interesting.I hope that I succeded in that.....The songs being played in the video were actually being played in my earphones at that instant.The film basically gives you a perspective of man standing in queue, waiting for his turn and his undergoing thought process...The video is also a tribute to MJ....

Here is the link::::